Anyone for Inuit?

Film: Eskimo Gangbang

Studio: Heatwave

Doing its bit for US/Eskimo relations is Eskimo Gangbang, a title from Heatwave Entertainment in which young Eskimo girl Umma is systematically defiled by a bunch of chicken-lovin', Midwest rednecks. Umma is sensational, imparting the ancient ways of her forefathers to the lusty foreigners who quickly work out that the best way to start a fire is to rub two dicks together.

Credited as the film that triggered a surge in tourism to Inuit areas... as well as a class-action lawsuit for indigenous reconciliation.

Grub's up.

So.

Friggin.

Nasty.

... but don't forget to say 'grace'. There are children starving in Africa who would love to have a dog's bowl of semen to eat every night.

- Shit, I can't believe I just wrote that. I've hit a new low.

Dr Feelgood

Film: The Sperminator

Studio: Video X Pix

What the hell is Nikki Sixx doing in a porno?

Rambone

How she gets her perm to lift with such bounce and body while rescuing US POWs from the Vietnamese jungle is anyone's guess. Rambo had nothing on Christy Canyon.

When porn goes British

Film: Adventures of an Underwear Fitter #6

Studio: Lady Suspender

Blurb: Mrs Beattie (53) is a real predator in her role as an underwear fitter. She takes her job very seriously and, when she decides to seduce Mrs Johnson (47), it's not long before she has her where she wants her... wearing lots of vintage girdles, stockings, bras and pants.

Those Brits. No wonder the Aussies did a runner.

Small things, big packages

Film: Attack of the Monster Midget with a 10" Cock

Studio: Factory 13

For years, I've watched midget porn but have felt like something was... missing. Finally, it seems US studio Factory 13 has decided to do something about it with a release that shows that midgets can out-perform even their most able-bodied compatriots. Still, reading the title, I couldn't help but wonder what makes a monster midget? Isn't this a midget with a monster cock and not a monster midget with a 10" cock? Oh, don't mind me; I once taught English at community college to disaffected youths.

So THAT'S where the spanner went.

Film: Lesbian Mechanics

Studio: The L Factor

They're lesbian. They're mechanics

They'll fix your damn car.

That is all.

Breaking news: Brittney's agent is in discussions to land her a role in Lesbian Mechanics II: the tune-up. Fingers crossed.